Ronald Frankau: "Uncle Bill Has Much Improved"
(London, England. 1939)
Uncle Bill was a wonderful bass with a voice both deep and full,
he used to get purple in the face and bawl just like a bull.
His family were most ashamed of the way he'd rail and shout
until his tonsils got inflamed and had to be cut out.
Uncle Bill has much improved, since his tonsils were removed.
Now his voice is so much higher he sings soprano in the choir.
Such a beautiful girl was cousin Kate, she might have been a disgrace,
but Uncle Bill decreed her fate, only he should see her face.
Kate never went out, she had no choice, kept under lock and key,
but since Uncle Bill's a high-pitched voice she's free, or nearly free.
Uncle Bill has much improved, since his tonsils were removed.
Now his voice is so much higher, he sings soprano in the choir.
Often Auntie Jane would cry and blub, for he bullied the poor old thing.
She organised the dramatic club where Uncle Bill would sing
When they gave a show at Christmas time Uncle Bill was heard and seen
He played the demon in pantomime, now he plays the fairy queen!
(bass)
Uncle Bill has much improved, since his tonsils were removed.
Now his voice is so much higher
(falsetto)
he sings soprano in the choir.
Cousin Jack had a face just as pale as chalk and one of those delicate frames
He'd a little thin talk and a mincing walk (Bill called him fancy names).
He'd ask him when his voice would crack, and give a sneering vow
But Uncle Bill and Cousin Jack are just like brother's now!
(Mincing voice)
Uncle Bill has much improved, since his tonsils were removed.
Now his voice is so much higher, he sings soprano in the choir.
Cousins Sue and Sal were delectable twins. They thought Bill the worst of men.
But now they've forgotten about his sins and embrace him now and then.
They used to run away when they heard him shout. It made him fret and chafe.
But now his tonsils are cut out they feel that they are safe
(spoken)
Uncle William is very much better and considerably improved
Since his tonsils and adenoids were extracted, or removed
Now his voice is so much higher
He sings soprano in the Glee & Madrigal Choir
Uncle Bill had always lived on loans. He never could earn a bob.
People were scared of his deep bass tones so he never had a real good job.
But since his deep bass voice has ceased, through the medium of surgeon's knives,
he's been offered a job in the far far east looking after the sultan's wives.
Uncle Bill has much improved,
Since his tonsils were removed.
Now his voice is so much higher,
He sings soprano in the choir !
